I resolve for the 56392th time to blog.

I have a new resolution to blog once a week.

Actually made this resolution about 3 months ago, and it just took this long to make it official. Today I just happened to open up this blog, read some of the past entries, and remembered how I've always liked keeping a written record of what goes on in my life. Usually none of the entries are about anything significant, but remembering the details about an observation I made, an intricacy that moved me somehow, is enlightening in its own way. I've toyed with the utility of this blog: so far it has served as a repository of scattered experiences that may have little value for my readers (all 3 of them). I decided against making it a "Medical School Blog" (like there aren't enough of those already), and neither will it be a "what I had for breakfast" kind of personal blog. For now it will continue to serve its purpose as a collection of ideas, thoughts, a strange loop in ever-expanding cyberspace.

Stay tuned.

Bucket List Item

One of these days, once I convince myself that one meal is worth hundreds of dollars, I will dine here. It's in Napa Valley, they create new menus daily, Anthony Bourdain has called it the best restaurant in the world, and they grow their own vegetables. The website also has one of the best quotations about food:

"When you acknowledge as you must, that there is no such thing as perfect food, only the idea of it, then the real purpose of striving towards perfection becomes clear; to make people happy. That's what cooking is all about."
-Thomas Keller

Maturity.

Sometimes I wonder how these young kids in my class deal with life. The ones who are like 21 or 22, straight out of college, who believe their volunteer positions and club leaderships constitute real life experiences. I wonder what kind of perspective they have when they have never left the institutional bubble, lived outside a slightly artificial environment, or known what it is like to be responsible for someone other than themselves.

This isn't about critiquing their lack of maturity (I don't have that much more of a leg up) as much as commenting on my own maturational development. I used to think, as a college senior, that I had overgrown my bubble. I thought I was too old for frat parties, too old for dinning hall food, too old for a town that had one street, and too old for putting effort into a grade. I wanted to use my skills to make something real, set and meet my own goals, and have a home-cooked meal at the end of the day. It was like all of a sudden I had a growth spurt and I needed new (and classier, not made disgusting by Hanover weather) shoes to fill.

What followed in my first few months out of college were some valuable lessons, mainly to show that as much as college tries to prepare you for life, it is not quite enough. Like how it didn't warn me not to drive a 11' U-Haul truck into a garage with a 9' height limit. It taught me shit about apartment hunting. It didn't show me how to fill out taxes or separate colors for laundry (I still don't). Luckily I learned fast and managed to change a few things in my life that distinguish the pre-real life from the post-real life me. For example, I have and wear jewelry and perfume. I used my neighborhood dry cleaning as well as shoe repair services (thanks Boston cobblestone streets). I don't eat second dinners consisting of fried mozzarella sticks from FoCo, or order mediocre pizza from EBAs at 1:45 a.m. I exercise on a regular basis. I know that the difference between a good and crappy job is not what grade I got but how much of myself, my thoughts, and my personality I put into my work. I don't have as much disdain as I used to for the North Face and pearls. I drink good beer.

I could definitely continue but the point is not to contrast and compare the way a makeover reality show would do. Maturity is evolutional in that it doesn't happen overnight. Being back in school after a hiatus is very different this time around, and I have the past two years to thank for that. Even if I'm still a work in progress, I'm more grounded, balanced, and most of all I know what I want to get out of this mess that we call life. And I don't have to completely stop eating ramen.

Medical Student Syndrome

I'll admit it; I totally have it.

The three dizzy spells I've ever had in my life were temporal lobe seizures; the stomach ache that kept me in bed for a day was acute gastroenteritis, which led to my compromised immune system being infected by a coronavirus (or perhaps adenovirus); my friend has been diagnosed with second degree heart block; her roommate has bipolar (but seriously, she's a nut); I've had tinea pedis as well as capitis; and now I'm convinced I most likely have venous stasis because I spend so much time sitting down.

NYC

I can't stop thinking about this weekend. Chris and I are celebrating our anniversary, and my very belated birthday, in NYC! Earlier this week, I went crazy planning, and as a result, here is our delicious itinerary:

Friday:
6 p.m. - Get into Penn Station, check into our hotel, have a glass (or bottle) of wine with some crackers
10:30 p.m. - Reservations for restaurant week at Aquavit for some succulent Scandinavian cuisine.

Saturday
12 p.m. - Meet up with peeps at Penn Station, walk around, perhaps explore Crumb, visit the Met.
5:30 p.m. - Reservations for happy hour at Mermaid Inn in Greenwich Village. $1 oysters, hollaaaa
8:30 p.m. - 8th Street Wine Cellar around the corner (can't wait to try their Montmayou Malbec).
11:00 p.m. - Angie's house party in Chelsea. She's making mulled wine.

Sunday
12:00 p.m. - Dim sum at Jing Fong
1:30 p.m. - Brain exhibit at AMNH
Before getting on my bus - Trip to stock up at Trader Joe's

Soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

The Man Who Ate Everything

The short story is my new best friend. At a phase in my life when I lack the time (or perhaps motivation) to even shave my legs, the last thing I want to do is to throw myself into a chapter of a complex novel. So I read short stories.

The book that I am reading right now is awesome: it's a collection of vignettes from a former food critic for Vogue. I love books about food, especially when they explore it in different cultural and scientific contexts (as Pollan does in The Botany of Desire). An excerpt from the story titled "Ripeness is All":

"Eternal vigilance is the price of ripeness. Make it a habit to return unripe fruit. Throw a scene if need be. Your message may reach the wholesaler or the grower. For the smallest fruit, here's a handy tip: When nobody is looking, remove a berry from its little basket and conceal it in your palm. With your other hand, quickly wheel your shopping cart into a dark corner of, say, the cheese department and pop the berry into your mouth. Chew. Appraise its texture, sweetness, aromatic flavor compounds, and seediness. Then decide whether to invest in an entire basket. But first buy some cheese. You can never have enough good ripe cheese."

Cannot wait to indulge in some home-cooked meals in T-4 days!

Happy Holidays to you all

Cavarium, meninges, and brain.

I had the honor of dissecting our cadaver, T.S.'s brain today. The skull had been cut two centimeters up from the orbital fossa and occipital protruberance, and once it was chiseled away and the dura was severed, I was able to hold T.S.'s entire past life in my hands. His most fond memories, his hopes and fears, everything that made him the person he was, was contained in that epiphenomenon, his brain.

No one describes as well, in my opinion, the insanity of how organic matter such as a brain becomes a person's consciousness and projection onto others, as Hofstadter does in A Strange Loop. As I was dissecting, I was learning the anatomy and the physiology but also completely baffled by how they once came together to first sustain life, then spark consciousness, then create an identity that could change and evolve, and finally cross and intermingle with other minds. Just like how a ripple starts out as a drop of water.

These moments in my studies really humble me, when I realize how we will never be able to come close to understanding something so elegantly complex that just happens, without our knowledge or action, effortlessly and naturally.

2 Minute Update.

It's a Friday evening, I'm at Starbucks enjoying a holiday latte, taking a break between lectures, so I figured this neglected blog deserved at least a half-assed update.

Basically:
-Med school is hard.
-Med school is fun.
-I study all the time.

It may not be the most titillating lifestyle, but for me it is absolutely perfect. I have been dying to be here, and finally, I am. It's like meeting a soulmate, like you know that the career you've chosen will make you happy for the rest of your life.

More elaborate updates later.... perhaps.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I think I've finally experienced the runner's high.

This is what it felt like: all I wanted to do was to keep running. I didn't want to stop, I didn't want to slow down, I just wanted to run. In addition I wanted an extra challenge - another hill ahead, a steeper incline, a rougher terrain. It was a sweetly masochistic moment.

If these snapshots can be translated at all into life lessons, maybe in the most demanding times, we just need to push a little harder.

Fall wishlist.

Being no longer a working woman, I wear about 1/4 of my clothes and 1/8 of my shoes now. It's time for my wardrobe to slowly make the transition that my life has made. And since all good things arise from lists, here is a back-to-school wishlist:

1. J. Crew Cashmere Slouchy Sweater. I like the idea of being able to throw this on in the morning when I'm running late and still look somewhat polished, and I can probably wear this at least 7 months out of the year.



2. TOMS Natural Canvas Shoes in Grey. The hippie in me actually likes the way these look. Let's hope the day that I start liking the way those "nurse clogs" look is a day that never comes.



3. Marc Jacobs Court Cards Ring. I'm not a big ring person, but how cute is this?



4. Frye Campus Boot in Saddle. The next pair of boots I buy will be Frye. I know I will look like I'm ready to go work on a farm, but that's the point.



5. Rugby Baldwin Piped Tweed Jacket. Ignore the rest of her dumb outfit, but that jacket is lust worthy. I like everything about it: the texture, the trimming, the crest, the shape, the small lapels.



6. Gap Jeans. All my jeans are skinny, because they fit better into boots (ironic - you would think BOOTcut would fit better), but I'm growing tired of just one style. Has anyone tried the new Gap jeans that are supposed to fit better? I for one am swayed by their advertising.


7. Anthropologie Transcendent Encounter Chemise. This is the perfect sweet and romantic nightdress, and would make me look forward to going to bed every night (like I need more incentive). They also have very enticing robes on the website, not that I've worn a robe since I was six.



8. Land's End Sidney Long Down Coat. This is really for practical reasons only.



9. Lululemon Define Jacket. Sometimes I will put on sporty clothes just to not feel like a bum.



10. Michael Kors Astor Satchel. I really like a good-sized bag, in a neutral color, with hardware details, so this is pretty much perfect.

Bier!

I'm normally a red wine fanatic, but thanks to the heat of summer, I've been gravitating towards this cooler, more refreshing drink (although red wine stays part of my diet with a killer sangria recipe). When it comes to beer I used to stick to safe choices like Stella, Sierra Nevada PA or a satisfying #9 but this summer I've been more adventurous and have garnered the following list of beers that make me eager to expand my repertoire further...

1. Unibroue - La Fin du Monde
Not only does this have a badass name but it is also from a brewery in Quebec. It's a Belgian ale that is very drinkable: not too heavy, not too hoppy, with a hint of citrus and spice. It can be found at your Trader Joe's in a sizable bottle (perfect for two), which was definitely the best part.

2. Abita - Purple Haze
This was an unexpected find right from our neighborhood liquor store when we just decided to pick up a sampler pack. Some of the other varieties were kind of gross but the Purple Haze was definitely the best one. It's not intensely fruity or sweet, the raspberry taste is wonderfully integrated and I prefer it over the Harpoon UFO Raspberry Hefeweizen (which is a bit cloying), or even the Sea Dog Blueberry Wheat Ale (which doesn't have enough fruit).

3. Rogue - Dead Guy
Don't let the name of this one make you think that only bikers or old guys with arms full of tattoos should be drinking this. It's actually a well balanced honey ale that is a bit on the malty side. Chris ordered this at Novare Res in Portland (while Jacquie and I went with our staple Allagash White), but then I tried his and ordered one for myself. Delish!

4. Samuel Adams - Summer Ale
This one was drunk many times because in Boston, often it's either Sam or Bud. It's a lemony, malty, and spicy brew, reminds me of a nicer version of Blue Moon, and tastes like Boston.

5. Dogfish Head - Raison d'etre
Maybe I'm just piqued by philosophical-sounding french beer names, but this was another one that I kept on my radar. It's probably the most unique out of all of them. It's a bit more alcoholic at 8%, and is a complex mahogany ale that's a bit fruity, malty, even sour. Perfect when you want a beer to challenge your taste buds.

6. Don't remember who made it - Peach Ale
We had this at the Great Lost Bear - Qui probably knows which one this is. Another fruitastic one! I tried the Dogfish Head Festina Peche which was actually weird tasting, this one was way better. The downside is this one is probably a microbrew which will make it hard to find.

What are your favorite beers?

Also, I have a Twitter!

@theresasyang

It's Okay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m53--yTPQNk

Gorgeous video, haunting voice, beautiful song, Canadian band, woo! I'm going to see them this Sunday at T. T. the Bear's.

You will not regret this.

Trust me on this one.

• 1/2 cup minced shallots
• 2 tablespoons minced garlic
• 1 1/2 cups dry white wine
• 1 cup heavy cream (I used half and half)
  
• 1 teaspoon curry powder
• 32 mussels - cleaned and debearded
• 1/4 cup butter
• 1/4 cup minced parsley
• 1/4 cup chopped green onions

1. In a large saucepan, cook shallots and garlic in simmering wine until translucent.
2. Stir in cream and curry powder. When sauce is heated through, add mussels. Cover, and steam mussels for a few minutes, until their shells open wide. With a slotted spoon, transfer steamed mussels to a bowl, leaving the sauce in the pan. Discard any unopened mussels.
3. Whisk butter into the cream sauce. Turn heat off, and stir in parsley and green onions. Serve immediately.

Excerpt from Paul Farmer's "Pathologies of Power"

"By including social and economic rights in the struggle for human rights, we help to protect those most likely to suffer the insults of structural violence. [...] A preferential option for the poor, and all perspectives rooted in it, also offers a way out of the impasse in which many of us caregivers now find ourselves: selling our wares and services to those who can afford them, rather than making sure that they reach those who need them most. Allowing 'market forces' to sculpt the outlines of modern medicine will mean that these unwelcome trends will continue until we are forced to conclude that even the practice of medicine can constitute a human rights abuse."

Savouring this delightful Sunday afternoon with a heavy dose of melancholy. Why do things like softly rousing to the fluttering lashes of a lover, reaching for his inert body, and imbibing the possibilities of a warm spring morning make me feel so happy, full, sad, and empty all at once? Is it because this season, the feeling it conveys, the meaning it embodies, only serves to remind me of the regrettable transience of life? Events become memories faster than I have time to process them. I look at the eggs frying in the pan, thinking about how breakfast will soon amount to a pile of dirty dishes. The conversation we are having now over our black tea will soon be replaced by a quiet, shadowy room filled with my own thoughts. Perhaps even the love I am feeling will dissipate into something strange, unrecognizable, and unsettling.

So much melancholy for such a beautiful day.

10 basics, and 5 things that should never have been invented.

Inspired by Tracy's post, here are my 10 necessities of life.

1. Sunscreen. Never leave the house without it. Recently switched from my usual SPF 15 to Shishedo For Face SPF 36.

2. A good sports bra for working out. So in addition to having smooth, even, and wrinkle-free skin when I'm old, I will have a hot bod and perky breasts.

3. My Ralph Lauren PJ pants. Most comfortable pants ever. They are made of the most ridiculously soft material and the next best thing to sleeping naked. I've had these for 7+ years, and if only they still made them I would buy 3 more pairs. One reader of this blog may mock them as my "see-through pants", but you know what, you suck. Slash I love you.

4. Poshe Super Fast Drying Topcoat. This changed my life. Before I would do my nails three hours before going to bed and STILL wake up the next day with fabric marks. Now I can have shiny, dent-free, completely dry nails in 10 min that don't chip for up to a week.

5. Trader Joe's. I buy more organic, local, and healthy foods. Some weekly staples include handmade whole wheat tortillas, organically grown avocados, 98% fat free turkey or chicken chili, organic creamy tomato soup. And once that seasonal sipping chocolate comes back in the fall, I will definitely stock up on that. And favorite place to get wine.

6. Jeans. I don't think I could get along with someone who doesn't wear jeans on a regular basis. Right now I'm loving my distressed skinny ones from Express.

7. Clorox 2 Stain Fighter and Color Booster. Oh my God why haven't I discovered this earlier. It's like magic!

8. Lush Lemony Flutter cuticle butter. This stuff is amazing, especially if you have extremely thick, unruly cuticles like mine.

9. Contacts, obviously.

10. The public library. I don't know how spending as much time as I do on the T would be bearable if it weren't for BPL.

And 5 things that maybe need to go away.

1. American Apparel. Why in the hell would I want a skanky bathing suit with a hood, or a see-through thong bodysuit, or a dress that basically follows the architechture of a trash bag??

2. Fast food and dumb people. Wtf, NJ?

3. The iSanitaryNapkin, uh, Pad, pardon me.

4. Harem pants. Worse than leggings-as-pants, and I never thought that would actually be achievable.

5. Baseball. Red Sox opening day was yesterday. FML.

Comfort food

A terrific cure for the blues: curling up in bed with a warm bowl of turkey chili, while sheets of rain outside come down so hard it sounds like crinkling aluminum and the sky is gray like a dappled pony.

Overheard: bitter old people

"... and then I'll have to come back that way."
"Will you stop complaining."
"Oh hush, I will do what I want."
"I'll walk this way by myself and you walk your way. We'll just walk our own ways."
"No."
"Why not? I'll walk my way and you walk your way."
"You are so annoying. I hate you."
"What's wrong with you-"
"You are so annoying. Stop telling me what to do, I don't want to walk this way."
"I'm telling you, be careful or else you'll fall and die and then you'll get what you deserve."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm going to walk over here and you walk over there."

Haiti

this is the kind of event, for which scale becomes meaningless, numbers become fatuous, suffering becomes unquantifiable, and where one is in complete awe of the ungraciousness, brevity, and capriciousness of life.